The Beauty of "Good Enough" Parenting: Why Perfection Isn’t the Goal

Let me guess, on your worst days, you tell yourself you’re screwing it all up.

You yelled. You forgot the field trip form. You handed your kid an iPad at 4 p.m. because you needed five minutes without someone touching you. You scrolled Instagram and saw another mom making organic lunches shaped like dinosaurs, and suddenly, you’re spiraling.

You start questioning everything:

“Am I doing enough?”
“Am I ruining them?”
“Shouldn’t I be better at this?”

I hear this all the time in sessions. And I’ve lived it, too. As moms, we internalize so many messages that tell us if we’re not doing it all, we’re not doing enough.

But what if I told you that your child doesn’t need perfect?

What if “good enough” is not only okay, but actually better?

What “Good Enough” Parenting Really Means

The term “good enough parenting” comes from pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, who studied parent-child relationships and found that kids don’t need flawless parenting to thrive. They need attuned, responsive care most of the time, not all the time.

Good enough parenting means:

• You show up consistently, even when you’re tired.

• You make repairs after ruptures (like snapping or missing the mark).

• You offer love, limits, and safety—even if the delivery isn’t Pinterest-worthy.

It means your child experiences you as human and available. They learn that people can make mistakes and still love them deeply. That relationships can rupture and repair. That emotions can be held, even when things feel messy.

That’s how resilience is built. Not from perfection, but from presence.

Why Perfection Isn’t the Gold Standard

Let’s name the pressure for what it is: society sets moms up to believe we should be all things, at all times, without breaking a sweat.

Homemade meals. Perfect behavior. A tidy house. A balanced nervous system. A fulfilling job. A strong marriage. Perfectly regulated, well-adjusted children.

It’s a setup for shame.

Because when something inevitably slips, because you’re human, the guilt creeps in.

But perfect parenting (if it existed) would actually be damaging. Why? Because it doesn’t teach kids how to tolerate frustration, navigate disappointment, or witness emotional repair.

A child raised by someone who never models being overwhelmed, making a mistake, or apologizing may grow up believing they must be perfect too.

Good enough parenting teaches that love is unconditional, even when things aren’t.

The Power of Rupture and Repair

Let’s talk about one of the most powerful pieces of parenting: repair.

You lost your cool.
You said something you regret.
You were distracted, shut down, or reactive.

And afterward, you circle back.

You say:

“I got overwhelmed, and I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m really sorry.”
“I was frustrated, but it’s not your fault. I love you.”

This repair work is gold. It’s the stuff that teaches kids how to be in relationship. How to own mistakes. How to stay connected through hard moments.

You don’t need to avoid rupture. You just need to be willing to name it, own it, and move toward your child with care.

That’s good enough. That’s powerful.

Signs You’re Probably Already a Good Enough Parent

If you’re reading this, worried about whether you’re enough? You probably are.

Good enough parenting doesn’t mean:

• You never raise your voice

• You always handle stress well

• You never need a break from your kids

It means:

• You try to show up with intention, even when it’s hard

• You care deeply about your child’s emotional world

• You reflect on your patterns and strive to grow

So many of the moms I work with are carrying guilt they don’t need to carry. They’re showing up, doing the work, and still wondering if it’s enough.

Let me say it clearly: It is.

Why “Good Enough” Is Actually Healthier

Your child doesn’t benefit from seeing you run yourself into the ground.

They benefit from seeing:

• Boundaries modeled in real life

• Emotionally honest communication

• What repair looks like after conflict

• A caregiver who honors their own needs, too

This is how we raise emotionally intelligent, self-aware kids. Not by doing it all perfectly, but by doing it humanly.

And it gives your child permission to be human, too.

How Therapy Can Help You Embrace “Good Enough”

If you’re used to hustling for your worth, “good enough” might feel like failure.

You might have internalized messages from your own upbringing that told you you had to be perfect to be loved, safe, or seen.

Therapy is where we unpack that. It’s where we look at:

• What perfectionism is protecting you from

• How shame shows up in your parenting

• What you need to feel safe enough to soften the pressure

It’s not about letting go of your high standards. It’s about letting go of the belief that your worth is tied to them.

You get to be a whole person. And a good enough mom. Both can be true.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Powerful

So if you’ve been walking around with the weight of “I should be better,” I want to offer you this:

Your child doesn’t need a perfect mom.

They need you, present, loving, imperfect you.

The one who says sorry. The one who takes deep breaths. The one who keeps showing up even on hard days.

You’re already doing so much better than you think.

Ready to Ditch the Pressure and Embrace Good Enough?

Therapy can help you rewrite the story of what being a good mom really means so you can parent with more confidence, clarity, and self-trust.

✨ I offer free 15-minute consults to help you explore if working together would feel supportive.

You don’t have to carry the pressure of perfection alone. Let’s talk about what “good enough” could look like for you.