From “Am I Doing This Right?” to “I’ve Got This”

Reassurance-seeking is one of those sneaky habits that can look harmless—even healthy—on the surface. It sounds like this:

"Do you think I did the right thing?" "Are you sure I’m not overreacting?" "You really think I’m a good mom, right?"

We turn to our partners, our friends, our therapist, Google, and social media, hoping to hear the magic words that will make the anxiety quiet down. But the relief never lasts long. Because here’s the hard truth: no amount of reassurance from others will ever be enough when we don’t trust ourselves.

Why Moms Are Especially Prone to Reassurance-Seeking

Motherhood drops us into a whirlwind of uncertainty, judgment, and decision fatigue. From how we birth to how we feed, sleep-train, discipline, and even pack lunches—every choice feels like it comes with a side of shame or scrutiny.

We internalize messages that tell us we have to get it all right. And when we inevitably feel unsure, we look outward for validation. Because what if we’re doing it wrong? What if we’re messing it all up?

If you’re someone who constantly feels the urge to double-check, over-explain, or ask for confirmation that you’re not failing—you’re not alone. But you can break the cycle.

And it starts with building self-trust.

What Is Reassurance-Seeking, Really?

Reassurance-seeking is a coping mechanism for anxiety. It’s the nervous system’s attempt to soothe discomfort by outsourcing certainty. It often shows up when we don’t feel safe in our own judgment.

You might:

• Ask the same question in different ways to multiple people

• Rehash past decisions hoping someone will tell you they were right

• Ruminate on worst-case scenarios and then search for someone to say "That won't happen"

It’s understandable—especially if you grew up in environments where you were taught to second-guess yourself, or punished for getting it wrong. But while reassurance might bring short-term comfort, it creates long-term dependency.

The Cost of Constant Reassurance

Here’s the catch: the more you seek external validation, the further you get from your own inner compass. And that gap comes with consequences:

• Increased anxiety: Reassurance doesn’t resolve the root fear. It just feeds the cycle.

• Emotional exhaustion: Constantly seeking input is draining, especially when the answers conflict.

• Fractured relationships: It can put pressure on loved ones who aren’t equipped to carry your emotional burden.

• Erosion of confidence: Every time you choose someone else’s opinion over your own, your belief in yourself gets a little dimmer.

Building Self-Trust Instead

Self-trust isn’t about never being wrong. It’s about being able to handle it if you are.

It’s the quiet confidence that says, I can make decisions. I can hold space for my emotions. I can learn and course-correct when needed.

Here’s how to start building that trust—one small shift at a time:

1. Notice the Urge Without Reacting

When the itch for reassurance shows up, pause. Don’t shame yourself. Just notice:

• What triggered this need?

• What are you afraid might happen if you don’t get reassurance?

• Can you sit with the discomfort for just 60 seconds before acting on it?

This moment of mindfulness is powerful. It puts you back in the driver’s seat.

2. Ask Yourself Instead

Turn inward. Ask: "What do I think about this? What would I tell a friend in my shoes?"

Even if the answer isn’t crystal clear, practice responding to yourself with curiosity instead of criticism. You're rebuilding a connection that might have been quiet for a while.

3. Validate Your Own Experience

You don’t need someone else to cosign your feelings to make them real. You get to say:

• This feels hard.

• I’m struggling with uncertainty.

• My emotions are valid, even if others don’t see it the same way.

The more you affirm your own inner world, the less desperate you’ll feel for others to do it for you.

4. Tolerate Uncertainty

This is a hard one, but crucial. Learning to tolerate the discomfort of not knowing is a massive step toward emotional freedom.

Instead of jumping to worst-case scenarios or trying to predict every outcome, remind yourself:

• I can’t control everything.

• I can trust myself to figure it out if something goes wrong.

• Uncertainty is not danger—it’s just the unknown.

5. Repair Your Inner Dialogue

If your self-talk is filled with "You’re such an idiot" or "You always screw things up," of course you won’t trust yourself.

Start by gently shifting that voice:

• "I did the best I could with what I knew."

• "This isn’t perfect, but I’m learning."

• "I’m proud of myself for trying."

Speak to yourself like someone you love—because your relationship with yourself sets the tone for everything else.

6. Choose Self-Trust Over Certainty

Instead of asking, "Am I sure this is the right decision?" try asking, "Am I willing to trust myself even if I’m unsure?"

This shift is huge. Because real self-trust isn’t about getting it all right—it’s about backing yourself through the messiness.

A Note on Where This All Comes From

If you struggle with reassurance-seeking, there’s probably a good reason. Maybe you had caregivers who were unpredictable. Or you were praised for being the good girl, the high achiever, the one who got it right.

Maybe your nervous system learned that safety comes from people-pleasing or perfectionism. If so, be gentle. This isn’t about blaming yourself—it’s about understanding where the pattern came from so you can choose something different.

Therapy can help. Nervous system work can help. Community support can help.

But it all starts with a brave moment of noticing: This pattern is no longer serving me.

The Payoff

When you begin to trust yourself, everything changes:

• You stop second-guessing every move.

• You spend less time spiraling in anxiety.

• You feel more grounded, more capable, more whole.

You become the safe place you’ve been seeking.

And the next time you feel that urge to ask, "Do you think I did the right thing?"—you’ll be able to pause, breathe, and say: I already know the answer.

You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to believe you’re capable.

That’s the beginning of everything.

Building Self-Trust: Therapy for Moms in Houston

If you’re tired of second-guessing yourself, spiraling in anxiety, or feeling like you’re always one step away from falling apart—you don’t have to do this alone.

In therapy, we can work together to quiet the self-doubt, regulate your nervous system, and build the kind of deep, lasting self-trust that makes everything feel more manageable.

✨ I offer free 15-minute consults so we can talk about what you're struggling with and how I can help.

You deserve to feel grounded in your decisions.
You deserve to trust yourself again.

Click here to schedule your free consult.

Let’s get you the support you’ve been craving.